9.24.2009

I can't be f*cked writing.

I can't be f*cked writing.

I am dabbling in Aussie hip-hop.

I am (as usual) hungover.

I remain staunch in my belief that I do not have a drinking problem.

I have forgotten how to do syntax in the blogoshpere.

I'm irritated I used the word 'blogoshpere'.

I am listening to my old band.

I can't be f*cked writing,

I am thinking that with a few tweaks I could turn this into a poem.

I will soon publish a short story here.

But ...*













*see title.

5.10.2009

I Want Your Stories.

I'm making a pledge to get more stories up here.

I will publish yours, if they are any good.

Better than mine that is ...

(snicker)

a-hem

Please send them to mavisbutton@hotmail.com






and remember ...

3.23.2009

Woman In Home

I’m doing the dishes. I’ve just finished up dusting, and before that I swept and mopped the floorboards from head to toe. I also vacuumed the rugs and the carpets. He told me not to bother as he picked up his keys from the table, but I suppose I’m marking my territory, in a way.
I’m not entirely comfortable yet, but I’m getting there.
The children are free to play out the front, he told me. It’s a quiet street, and they look after each other, he said as he stood in the doorway smiling at me. He blew me a kiss and said, welcome to the family. Then he closed the door. I listened to his children (our children?) playfully attack him on the other side.

I’m drying the dishes and the two eldest of the three kids are standing in front of me. Behind them is the youngest. She is weeping uncontrollably. I pick her up. I ask what happened.
‘He pushed her on to the road.’
The eldest points to his sibling.
‘No I never.’
‘Yes you did, liar.’
They start shoving. I reluctantly ask them to stop. They do. I’m surprised that they listen.
‘She fell, and I tried to catch her.’
The sobbing mess in my arms points to her knee. It has a small graze on it. I plonk her on a chair, and ask her where the band-aids are. She points to a cupboard above the fridge. I open it. The shoving resumes. I look over to them and they stop. The eldest speaks.
‘She had his pokemon …’
I ask what a pokemon is. The explanation I receive baffles me.
‘I let her have it. I said she could …’
‘… and he snatched it, and pushed her over.’
‘That. Never. Happened.’
Pushing resumes. I stop it with an eyebrow this time.
More contrasting exposition from the boys. I dab at the little one’s knee. She has stopped sobbing, and is inhaling in that snorty way that kids do when in recovery from a good cry. I ask her to be brave. She gives me the hand. The boys’ stories are white noise.
Must I get to the bottom of this?
I suppose I have to. Then I realise I have the truth before me. I ask the little one, if the second eldest pushed her over because of the pokie man. She nods. I look at the boy. The fight has left him. Guilt reigns. I ask him what his father would do in this situation.
‘He would put me in time out.’
I ask the eldest what time out is. He explains. I ask the second eldest how long he should be put in the corner.
‘About twenty minutes.’
The other two nod. The punishment fits the crime. Does he need to be escorted?
‘No.’
Forlorn. Cute.

7.01.2008

SS Subversive

SS Subversive.



About three months ago I was out in Kings Cross with several friends, spending an obscene amount of money on booze and girls in a strip club.
At around four in the morning the night turned into a sort of photo album.
In the first snapshot I am on stage with the strippers.
In the next snapshot I am being roughly extricated from the club. My boys are waving goodbye. They have no intention of leaving.
In the next snapshot, an extremely cute girl in uniform is chatting me up.
In the final snapshot I am signing a document, whilst the woman is massaging my groin.
This is all that I remember.

When I open my eyes I realise I’m not at home. I am in a small cabin with eight sets of bunk beds – all empty, and tightly made up. The walls are metal, as is the floor and the ceiling.
There is a compelling silence.
I am extremely hung over.
A door opens and the woman from last night enters.
‘Stand to attention.’
I’m befuddled.
‘Where are my clothes?’
‘I am the Lieutenant of this Naval vessel. Accept my orders without question.’
I remove my blanket, get out of the bunk, and stand at the foot of it. She walks towards me. My tumescent member is twitching uncontrollably. She begins to take her clothing off. Her skin is flawless even under neon. She shows me her bottom. It is large, but tight, and the shape of a perfect apricot. I’m aroused but confused.
‘Where am I?’
She’s naked now and kisses me fully on the mouth. Her tongue flickers at mine, and her hand grabs my cock, hard, making me gasp. She pushes me down onto the bed.
‘What is going on?’
She straddles me.
‘You’re on a submarine.’
She gently places me inside her.
‘And we’re about to submerge.’

As she’s getting dressed, I notice her nametag; it says Beaumont.
‘Please explain what is going on.’
She is placing her hat upon her head.
‘You joined the Navy. You’re the official cook on Australia’s only WRAN submarine.’
‘WRAM?’
‘WRAN. The Women’s Royal Australian Navy.
She pats down her skirt.
‘An Officer will be in shortly. She will explain everything.’
‘Um … are we on a mission?’
This sounds idiotic coming out of my mouth.
‘I’m afraid that’s classified.’
‘But … I already have a job.’
‘Once signed up, you cannot leave the Navy. It is an offence to do so.’
Lieutenant Beaumont turns and exits. I frantically search the room for my clothes wondering how on earth one might escape from a submarine.
There is a knock.
‘Don’t come in. I’m not wearing anything.’
The door opens anyway, and a girl – barely twenty – enters. I hold the blanket around my waist. She plucks a tape measure from somewhere, and runs it through her fingers. I speak.
‘I’m afraid there’s been a mistake.’
She pulls the blanket from my hands, and tenderly yet forcefully measures my penis.
She runs the tape down my arm.
‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m taking measurements for your uniform.’
‘What’s my role exactly?’
She answers by kneeling in front of me. Although mentally, I’m sexually spent, my penis obviously isn’t done. It taps her chin that is positioned in front of my groin.
My measurements are taken orally.

I’m left to get into uniform and make my way down the slim halls of the sub. After passing through several empty cabins like mine, I open a door and am met with a crew of women entire, sitting at two long tables running down either side of a thin aisle. The chatter stops and they all look me up and down. There is an impossibly long silence. I see a spare seat and I walk to it. I am extremely nervous.
No one speaks during breakfast. This has me freaking out, and when we’re done I try to sneak back into my cabin. Lieutenant Beaumont stops me, and asks the crew who would like to take me on a tour of the sub. What happens next is crazy. They turn into schoolgirls, squealing ‘pick me’, waving their arms in the air. Beaumont picks four, two blondes, a brunette, and a cute tiny girl of Asian descent. They pull me out of my chair and I am ushered out of the mess.
They do unspeakable things to me in the torpedo room.
They tie me up in the manoeuvre room.
We all squeeze into one of the escape pods, meant to fit two.
I almost get away from them in the escape hatch, but they find me hiding under the table in the Sonar Room. I beg them to stop, but they don’t.
For the next two months this kind of stuff happens every day.

I am a sex slave trapped two thousand metres underwater. I’m allowed to sleep only when I’m not being screwed or sucked or tongued or groped or tied with rope. My duties are too much for a platoon to take care of. Lesser men would perish.
One morning I’m awoken by two lady soldiers in different uniforms at the foot of my bed. They point guns in my direction. The twin Medical Officers who are curled up next to me, rub their eyes in unison. The soldiers speak aggressively in French. The others in my cabin do not look as shocked as I feel. In fact, I’m definite I saw the girl with the glasses who sleeps next to me (and has been ordering me to aggressively spoon her for the last month) rub her hands together.
All I can think while I’m madly getting into uniform is how over the last couple of months I have spent most of my time in the dark … but at the same time, in the middle of everything.
When I am dressed I am traipsed out of the room by the soldiers. As I go through the mess, everyone is busy eating. Now they don’t want to look at me whereas before they couldn’t get enough of me. My sexual currency has hit an all time low, but although I am a red raw fuckslave, although I’ve spent what seems an eternity as a prong-with-legs and have been constantly pawed underwater against my will … I want my sexual predators back.
My armed entourage and I are met by Lieutenant Beaumont in the Control Room. When I salute her, she returns it half-heartedly. I can tell immediately that she’s no longer in to me.
‘What is going on?’
‘You’re being transferred.’
Beaumont waves to a ladder that she wants me to climb. This is the first time she hasn’t gone up a ladder first, and even if she isn’t wearing a skirt, the gesture hurts. I climb up, a hatch opens, and I see sunshine.

I am led down a pier that the sub has docked against on a beautiful day. French Guiana sits atop Venezuela in South America. The French colonised the region in 1667 and, in the 1790’s, during the French Revolution, they began sending their political prisoners there. In 1854 a formal prison system was established, and in 1945 when it was shut down, the remnants became an ideal multi-cultural society. The two lady soldiers escorting me are gorgeous examples. The one linking my arm on my right is half American Indian and half Lebanese, whilst the girl on my left is half Arabic and half Indochinese. I find it difficult to stop staring. I think this is okay because since we left the sub they have been fondling me around the thighs.
Now I’m standing in front of a desk in a military office. Sitting behind it is the cutest French girl I’ve ever seen. Next to her are the two beauties that brought me here, and on my right Lieutenant Beaumont stands as stiff as a board (sometimes I think she takes her job too seriously). A fan whirs overhead, and a small pot plant sitting atop a bookcase, adorned with books in strict regimented colour, droops in the humidity. I have been ordered to strip down completely. Two months ago this might have posed a timidity issue, but I’ve been broken in.
‘His cock is a little red.’
The new Lieutenant’s broken English is phenomenally sexy.
‘He’s the only one we’ve had, so …’
The new Lieutenant raises a single eyebrow. It kills me in a very sexual way.
‘You crossed the Indian Ocean with one man?’
Beaumont reiterates.
‘And the South Atlantic.’
The Lieutenant nods to the half Indochinese girl, who leaves the room. She returns with a naked South American guy. He looks smashed and is placed next to me. He babbles in what sounds like Portuguese. He’s introduced.
‘We found him in a bar down the road. He had spent half of his wages on lap dances.’
Beaumont looks impressed.
‘We’ll take him.’
‘Will you be okay with just one?’
‘It’s not far to Bermuda.’
The new Lieutenant nods at me.
‘I like ours.’
Beaumont pats my bottom.
‘I think you’ll find him useful.’
I am shocked.
‘Are you letting me go?’
She strokes the back of my head.
‘Don’t think you haven’t been appreciated, but the crew like to rotate our boys.’
I turn to the new Lieutenant who winks, and circles her nipple, that has erected under her blouse. Beaumont speaks.
‘Now if you don’t mind, we have to be off. There’s a storm coming that we need to beat.’
She kisses me gently on the lips. Her mouth caresses my ear and she speaks.
‘You’ve been my favourite.’
With that she takes the Portuguese guy by the hand, salutes the other Lieutenant and walks out of my life. I turn back from the door to face the three ladies and if I weren’t undressed already their eyes would’ve done the job by now.

End.

2.01.2008

Words, Phrases, and Sentences Others have used to Describe Me, in the Last Week.

Caustic

A Funny Guy

Teetering

Without Capacity

Ring In

'He's certainly viable ... I mean ... he'll do'.

'He really put that one away.'

Slightly Soiled

Fucking Dickhead

Spunky

'Yes he does. He has that attitude with everyone.'

All Limbs

Overly Dramatic Masochist

Friend

Fiend

A find

Exploitative In A Cute Way

Morally Bankrupt With A Heart

Gently Explosive

Sir

Scumbag








...









'He does what he can with what he's got.'

1.27.2008

Hunted

A man has been following me once again. He seems to be wanting sound bytes. He has a microphone attached to a little black box that is secured to his belt. He wears headphones and is not subtle when he tries to capture my voice. I'm worried he might be trying to record as many words as he possibly can so he can jumble up my sentences.

'I want to end my communication with those I'm fond of.'

Or;

'I'm not particularly good at my chosen profession.'

I have begun to work on a code so that he won't be able to catch me saying words that might be incriminating. The man has no teeth. I know this not because I have seen his mouth, but because I can hear him slurping. I presume he does this so he doesn't drool, but the sound he makes petrifies me. The drinking for this reason has sadly escalated. Mornings consist of four sharp Bloody Marys. Lunch comes with wine and without anything accompanying it. Weekdays, scotch rests in my trembling hand, and I save the weekends for gin the king of the depressants, and the queen of the sobbing fear.

Sleepless nights once again. Apart from the slurping. My eyes remain open and I can see the little red light that flashes on the little black box. As the sun comes up, I shower, clean my teeth, shave, and dress in silence. I meticulously prepare my drinks, and sit zombie like on my balcony never saying a word. I'm working on my secret code.

Maybe he'll turn my voice into sweet pop culture syrup. He would have to take snippets of words and paste them together. I try not to talk about pop culture.

I'll keep you informed,

1.05.2008

Intimate.

This year for me is about ritual. I want plans, I want things I can work towards. I have started by dismantling already existing chaotic dalliances with ideas, and have begun focusing on them becoming tangible moments of self exploration; a time to file away items that can tend to float around in my brain, bubbling with possibility, yet never morphing into action.

I wrote a song about Saigon, but I always get the lyrics wrong.

A wonderful fall-back for me is my self imposed hopelessness; it's my wild card. Whenever shit goes down (things that we can all relate to) it's very easy to handball the issue to my pure lack of life skills. This year, I tackle problems head on. I will not try to find a way around it, nor will I ignore it's existence. Not this time. Not this year.

My lover left me in Japan, with a dozen Yen, and a cat-scan.

Outside of the obvious life achievements such as breathing, eating, and procreating, we are all out there trying to find a scrap of joy. There are many places to search (some fun ones). My intention, this year, is to find some self satisfied warmth within my skinny frame. A cliche, but didn't Shakespeare cover it all anyway?

Trying to fill an empty cup, vying to thrill but you're all fed up.

When did I start looking for wedding bands on fingers? When did I read about the blind being able to 'see' when it rains? Drops act as a map, giving things height, and texture: A damp cartographer. Why does that notion hold such import for me? I think because it's just a beautiful thing.

It's okay that you don't care, you can hear this anywhere.

I saw a child run across the road the other day. His (and I speculate here) drug addicted mother was lagging, willing to take a chance on her son blindly lurching across a quiet street. I warned the child that he should be more careful when crossing roads. I didn't use the phrase we all learnt at school because I couldn't remember if you were supposed to look left or right first. 'Look (some way) then look (the other way) then look (the way you first looked) again. The mother was defensive which is understandable. Do I have a child? I don't think so. She suggested in her own special vernacular that I should probably concentrate on things that are related to my own life, not hers. I agreed, and offered her a cigarette.

My lover left me in Japan, I'm just doing what I can, it's not so bad.

Be glad.